Your progeny won’t delay your timely demise.
seconds become minutes, minutes become hours, and hours become days. my longing drags on, melting the fringes of time and my faltering perception of its intangible existence. how can hours in your sweet embrace seem to last seconds, yet seconds torn from your presence languidly saunter on, mocking my desires? moons wax and wane and the clock seems to pause, broken like my heart forgetting why it beats. i bite my lip, the blood cruelly reminding me of our impermanence. i still taste you in my mouth, the bittersweet taste of unrequited love. once again i will close my eyes in hopes of your return. i hear your voice, faint and but a whisper, but i can’t make out what it says.
sweat drips languidly from my freshly trimmed beard. gazing into its magnificent shrubbery, i realize more time has been devoted to its elegance than I’ve given to my own self-preservation. but to hell with survival, it is a pillar of caveman existence, my paleo diet feeding the animal hugging my rough edges like a fly on a windshield. my lips hide beneath intertwined shadows, hearty roots on an ancient tree. to caress my beard is to know god.
i’ve seen fires in a million shades of crimson, orange, and gold, but none of them as explosive as the little grey lightning bolts shooting through your roots. they say wisdom is won and never borrowed, but i would give anything to borrow the lessons these mercury lines could teach. like ancient branches dancing on a starlit shore, they shimmer and hug your sides as you tuck them behind your horizon. like the sagacious rings on a storied tree, i count the years that have brought us here, ever-growing, season-to-season, bursting with seemingly endless life. do not hide these trophies, for they have been rightly earned. and maybe in time, i will earn my place as well.
the abandoned clock tower proved to be the perfect squat, sheltering us from the outside world. she and i took solace in our solitude, hidden away hundreds of feet above the bustling city below. no one knew we were here, and we preferred it that way. we spent our numbered days chasing the flickering flame of addiction, wasting away behind the broken clock. the irony of time stopped was not wasted on us. the giant motionless arms of what was once a great feat of engineering cast eerie shadows throughout our abode. in the sticky hours of midday summer, we would huddle in their shade. life passed slower up here, death beckoning, always one hit away.
my breath hangs from heavy fog, dewy drops dripping from dimpled skin. the piercing cold does nothing that your silence hasn’t done already. i forge on, determined to understand the answers, cosmic jokes masquerading as lessons. the trees hang heavy with the weight of my arrival, their innate understanding far greater than i could ever hope to possess. what is balance, if not a plank teetering on two sides of the same abyss. and still i carry on, blind and hopeful like a lap dog. climbing and falling, clinging to the promise of eternity, burying the first and only truth: we are born for this and only this. the mountain beckons, an earthly siren eroding and rebuilding. deep beneath the falter of my existence, her breath reverberates about me. life doesn’t wait for the lost. i hold my head high, finally seeing beyond the clouds. i find strength from weakness, the light shining bright above. finally i reach the top, glorious views greeting me with open arms. resting on my shaky knees, i wipe the sweat from my eyes. salty tears stain my lips, gentle reminders of life’s bittersweet mysteries. but what appears before me, but another towering peak. again i rise, and begin my ascent, for what else is there to do. a stagnant life is nothing but slow death. and if i’ve learned anything, it’s that i prefer my death head on…
My faltering footing was the first sign that something was amiss. I looked in their general direction, hoping for a sign that all was right but I could no longer decipher my up from down, my left from right, my in from out. My toes danced delicately in an imaginary oasis, stars sparkling at the edge of a cosmic ocean. All about me were beautiful creatures, neither aquatic nor galactic, but every bit as magical. I was comforted, locked arm in arm with two planetary muses, my pillars of strength on a journey belonging in the histories with the Odyssey or the Iliad. Time stood still, space itself opened up, and my meat wrapped vessel we call a body blasted through dimensions, leaving behind all concepts of reality. My mind melted and dripped with eternal tears of endless joy and innate understanding. I was breathing God’s Breath and seeing the birth of existence. My eyes, my ears, and my soul failed to serve me and thus merged with the aether. In their absence, my senses became stronger than I previously imagined possible. Clutched tight within this time traveling vortex, like a psychedelic baby in the womb of existence, I witnessed the Multiverse birthing universes. Life was being created in front of my gracious eyes. The endless music and neon lights played synesthetic tricks on me, trading places with each other, sounds wearing beautiful colors, and sights igniting fantastic tunes. The spinning disco ball heart beating at the center of reality unraveled like DNA stretching for eternity, connected on every plane through my third eye. I was deep within every molecule of this world as well as the next, and they were within me. It was here the truth exploded inside me. For a brief second the realization sent a quiver of fear through my body, ending at my sacral chakra. The sensation of impending implosion was too great to resist and I had to let go, relinquishing my control and ego to the present. Invisible walls melted on all sides of me, the roof of existence blasted off, and everything became perfectly clear. All that was left was the music. And at the helm of this gigantic spaceship, guiding us on this epic voyage was Papa Lee – the Captain of this Interdimensional Aortic Mindmelt.
Snowflakes dance across your eyelashes like stars adorning the night sky. The cold kisses your rosy cheeks, as your lips purse from frozen kaleidoscopes.
Your body heat reverberates gently, languidly against my flesh, melting like candle wax over forsaken bones. I see your heart beat with intention beneath the horror film font that your wanton corpse has become. I would pull you apart, limb from limb, just to to taste the blood that flows from your pure form. Your pain is my fountain of youth, an unfortunate answer to a question I never asked. I taste death in the air and you crack a half smile, a crimson crescent moon of disenchantment. You died before I met you and and I am bringing you back to life. I will not let your flame distinguish. The shadow you cast on my false promise is like spiritual litigation. Let our ghosts hash it out in the afterlife while we enjoy this last glimpse of serenity. Much like your name, etched in my flesh, I need not this physical form. I have rejected far greater things than life, but death I will not yet answer. Words do nothing when all I can do is fall into your arms.