my breath hangs from heavy fog, dewy drops dripping from dimpled skin. the piercing cold does nothing that your silence hasn’t done already. i forge on, determined to understand the answers, cosmic jokes masquerading as lessons. the trees hang heavy with the weight of my arrival, their innate understanding far greater than i could ever hope to possess. what is balance, if not a plank teetering on two sides of the same abyss. and still i carry on, blind and hopeful like a lap dog. climbing and falling, clinging to the promise of eternity, burying the first and only truth: we are born for this and only this. the mountain beckons, an earthly siren eroding and rebuilding. deep beneath the falter of my existence, her breath reverberates about me. life doesn’t wait for the lost. i hold my head high, finally seeing beyond the clouds. i find strength from weakness, the light shining bright above. finally i reach the top, glorious views greeting me with open arms. resting on my shaky knees, i wipe the sweat from my eyes. salty tears stain my lips, gentle reminders of life’s bittersweet mysteries. but what appears before me, but another towering peak. again i rise, and begin my ascent, for what else is there to do. a stagnant life is nothing but slow death. and if i’ve learned anything, it’s that i prefer my death head on…
My faltering footing was the first sign that something was amiss. I looked in their general direction, hoping for a sign that all was right but I could no longer decipher my up from down, my left from right, my in from out. My toes danced delicately in an imaginary oasis, stars sparkling at the edge of a cosmic ocean. All about me were beautiful creatures, neither aquatic nor galactic, but every bit as magical. I was comforted, locked arm in arm with two planetary muses, my pillars of strength on a journey belonging in the histories with the Odyssey or the Iliad. Time stood still, space itself opened up, and my meat wrapped vessel we call a body blasted through dimensions, leaving behind all concepts of reality. My mind melted and dripped with eternal tears of endless joy and innate understanding. I was breathing God’s Breath and seeing the birth of existence. My eyes, my ears, and my soul failed to serve me and thus merged with the aether. In their absence, my senses became stronger than I previously imagined possible. Clutched tight within this time traveling vortex, like a psychedelic baby in the womb of existence, I witnessed the Multiverse birthing universes. Life was being created in front of my gracious eyes. The endless music and neon lights played synesthetic tricks on me, trading places with each other, sounds wearing beautiful colors, and sights igniting fantastic tunes. The spinning disco ball heart beating at the center of reality unraveled like DNA stretching for eternity, connected on every plane through my third eye. I was deep within every molecule of this world as well as the next, and they were within me. It was here the truth exploded inside me. For a brief second the realization sent a quiver of fear through my body, ending at my sacral chakra. The sensation of impending implosion was too great to resist and I had to let go, relinquishing my control and ego to the present. Invisible walls melted on all sides of me, the roof of existence blasted off, and everything became perfectly clear. All that was left was the music. And at the helm of this gigantic spaceship, guiding us on this epic voyage was Papa Lee – the Captain of this Interdimensional Aortic Mindmelt.
Require me to detach from the solace of your company
As you’re shipped you off to discomfort,
lonely nights, and more cigarettes.
Take my unprecedented love and send it far, far away
And smother me with nostalgia.
Shower me in unfamiliar notions,
Mend the blow with a tourniquet of reassurance-
This is not a scab that heals, dries, then flakes away
It is a laceration that relentlessly drips blood onto the floor.
Asleep and awake, i still find you next to me.
Losing my breath and some body heat,
I swallow this burden for all that it’s worth,
And all that it entails.
Because the day i see you again-
We will take our tribulations and set them on fire
Ashes masking us in a thick veil
Of everything we’ve fought for
We’ll embrace each other as the fire rages on
Consuming all that we lost,
Manifesting a superlative new light of creation-
Obliterating the misery we have come to befriend,
We will evolve into something unbreakable.
Survival our muse,
Distance our test.
Take me back into the moonlight again.
Show me the stars, lock your hand with mine.
Rub your chest against my skin.
Ravage me like a panther
pursuing coveted prey.
Rip my flesh away with your teeth,
and claw me until i bleed.
Nurse from my core as you adhere to the rhythm of my heartbeat.
Pause the clock and make the world stop.
Swim into the horizon with me,
As we flow into a new dimension,
These wounds will heal with your embrace.
Snowflakes dance across your eyelashes like stars adorning the night sky. The cold kisses your rosy cheeks, as your lips purse from frozen kaleidoscopes.
Your body heat reverberates gently, languidly against my flesh, melting like candle wax over forsaken bones. I see your heart beat with intention beneath the horror film font that your wanton corpse has become. I would pull you apart, limb from limb, just to to taste the blood that flows from your pure form. Your pain is my fountain of youth, an unfortunate answer to a question I never asked. I taste death in the air and you crack a half smile, a crimson crescent moon of disenchantment. You died before I met you and and I am bringing you back to life. I will not let your flame distinguish. The shadow you cast on my false promise is like spiritual litigation. Let our ghosts hash it out in the afterlife while we enjoy this last glimpse of serenity. Much like your name, etched in my flesh, I need not this physical form. I have rejected far greater things than life, but death I will not yet answer. Words do nothing when all I can do is fall into your arms.
Although short a stay,
I must convey,
I’m truly blessed to be drowned by your laughter, hug, and kiss,
This uncontrollable vibe I always miss,
I scream from the belly of a whale,
This scripture we write together is one hell of a tale,
I once held a lantern in the dark,
Just lookin for that spark,
As beads on a string we fell one on top of another…Click click click we sounded off connecting our colors to form ordained patterns, that swirled and twirled… Laughing, screaming, shouting, dancing… Our spirits leaving our bodies as they clouded the night sky blending in with the galaxies as they shined so bright even if it was only for that one, magical, splendid moment… A segment so vivid, so powerful engrained in our brains… We come and we go, but never forget….
Many years ago, my uncle and his friend were going up to Oregon to visit a friend’s dad who was living on a communion. When they got there, they were told about a member named Rainbow Bob who was sadly murdered by this crazy guy who lived up in the mountains. They didn’t know his name, they just called him Mountain Man. Well the story goes that Mountain Man was going to jail for life for some unknown, probably violent reason. So as one tends to do, my uncle got this idea that they should sneak into Mountain Man’s shack deep in the woods, up on the mountain. Anti-climactically all they witnessed on the scene was an odd collection of artifacts probably collected over the years by Mountain Man. Needing something for their efforts, my uncle and his buddy stole a cast iron skillet and a knife. My uncle still has the skillet but refuses to use it. When they returned to the commune, they were invited to the memorial down by the river where they were to spread Rainbow Bob’s ashes. But before they dispersed the ashes, they all packed their pipes with some weed and bit of the ashes and proceeded to smoke some of Rainbow Bob. My uncle says he still feels Rainbow Bob’s presence to this day.
i feel your distance profoundly, like lightyears being self-aware of their own magnitude. you shine bright from thousands of miles away and your pull is a gravity all its own. this life, mysterious as it is, finds me in the strangest of unknowns. what haunts you? that is the question i ask, feeling your ghost transcend space and time, and waver in and out of existence, near me, yet so far away. i feel your embrace as if you were here, and still i know you are not. will you ever be? will i? let’s burn down the walls, shed away these skins, and live beyond the veil. life is a mask we have been forced to wear, but the shadow behind it is what i desire. i see you. and you see me. when the pieces fall apart, your smile remains, a delicate surprise to those that truly know. and again, all i want to do, is freeze this moment in time.